Why buying school shoes makes me weep

Many parents find the long summer holidays stressful. They may have to juggle work commitments with childcare; they may find their purses and wallets draining quicker than an emptying bath. I find it stressful for another reason.

Come the end of the summer term, I know a battle will soon commence because we will have to buy new school shoes for the start of the school year.

Stressful? You bet.

My daughter has rarely seen eye to eye with me on the whole school shoe thing. I have always had her feet measured for sensible T-bar shoes. Meanwhile, she has looked on in horror and disgust.

She has denounced the shoes with flowers or butterflies embroidered on them as “girlie”. She has rejected the sensible buckle that would keep the shoes on her feet as “fogey”.

Instead, she has craved those cheap dollies or ballet pumps that have as much support as a pair of slippers.

Peer acceptance

Why? Because that’s what other girls were wearing.

I can’t tell you the number of arguments we’ve had at home while doing a pre-shop internet trawl. Picture the following scene: laptop at the ready, searching every High Street store going for this year’s styles, me reminding her of the school rules about suitable shoes, while she complains bitterly about the lack of style.

Don’t get me wrong, I often agree with her about these “ugly” shoes and usually find them overpriced for their function and quality (there have been a couple of school years when I have had to buy two or three pairs in a school year because they have fallen apart).

With dollies, I see soles that are paper thin and shoes that do not offer sufficient foot coverage – especially during the winter months. She sees peer acceptance and conformity.

I could weep

Heated exchanges have regularly spilled over into shoe shops when we couldn’t agree on which shoes were suitable for school. Even stern advice from her hospital podiatrist didn’t move her.

I have been on the verge of weeping with frustration while she has dug her heels in further, to use an appropriate metaphor.

I can only apologise to the poor shop assistants who have witnessed our bickering.

It’s not just me, it seems.

Blogger Sara Meredith, who is @livvysmile on Twitter, admits she finds school shoe shopping a nightmare.

“The argument over style and versatility; trying to get them to realise a school shoe needs to be comfortable and functional as they have to wear it for five hours each day … this argument isn't helped by the influx of fashion shoes that have hit the high street under the umbrella of schoolwear,” she complains.

Meanwhile, Clare was also dreading the shoe shopping expedition. “It’s daughter desperate for flimsy ballet pumps versus Mum wanting decent sole for trek to and from buses and straps to keep them on her narrow feet not counting the medical imperative for 'sensible' footwear,” she says.

“Plan of action? Try on every pair in black and her size in Brantano until agreement or insanity reached. I’m not sure which will happen first.”

 How do you keep sane? Do you have a strategy? How do you negotiate in this situation? Before I do this again, I need help!