Why I don't want my boy to grow up... just yet

When Harry was a toddler, my husband coined the word "boyby" meaning that he was part-way between being a baby and a boy. Now that Harry is six (and a half, he would want me to add) he's at another in-between stage: between being our little boyby and a more independent big boy. 

It's an absolutely gorgeous stage, which, unlike the heartbreakingly cute toddler times, I really didn't expect. Harry is great company, very funny, a wonderful big brother to our two-year-old and just all round sweet. Most of the time. But I'm struggling a little bit. Because I'd kind of like to pause him. 

I'm not ready for him to be older

I don't want him to be embarrassed by me and refuse to let me kiss him at school. I don't want him to go and stay at friends' houses and roll his eyes when I come to pick him up. I secretly love the baby-ness he still has, like the time he phoned me from his grandparents house, sniffling and saying he wanted to come home because "I miss your tiny glasses". 

But at the same time, I don't want his friends to pick on him because his mum still kisses him goodbye in the morning. I don't want him to miss out on sleepovers or be too scared to go and play at friends' houses. And while I'm okay with him missing me, I don't want him to be too afraid to go out into the world. Because of course he has to.

I'm so proud of his independence

Harry definitely wants to do more, he's capable of doing more and I'm so proud of him when he is more independent. I watch him doing something small and simple like going into the newsagents by himself and I can almost see him growing up in front of my eyes. The door closes behind him and I picture him coming out as a teenager, all surly and covered in spots (I know, sometimes an overactive imagination can be a curse).

So I'm not taking any of this time for granted. I will hold his hand, kiss him at school, sit him on my knee, cuddle up with him in bed as long as he'll let me. And try not to think about what comes next. But hard as I already know it will be, I'm confident it will have its own rewards. I just can't bear to imagine what they might be just yet.