Why do I go to pieces at parents' evening?

It's the same every single time. Before the meeting – walking to school, even sitting in the hall while the previous parent chats and laughs like a normal person – I think that this time I’m going to be a confident and mature. This time I’ll calmly and clearly state that, no, I don’t particularly care that Harry doesn’t do his homework very often. No, I’m not surprised he doesn’t enjoy his reading book because Oxford Reading Tree books are the most tedious books ever published. 

So why do I always find myself leaving with a laminated homework schedule and the feeling that it’s actually for me, not Harry?

It's hard to be a grown-up sitting on an infant chair

I'm not alone. Lucy San Ingham, mum to three children under 10, said, "I hate parents' evenings. I always feel like my parenting style is being judged, especially since I am a relatively young mother. I know that sounds silly, but it always makes me really nervous. They always turn out to be really good and I get a lot of very positive feedback, but it never stops me from being petrified."

My friend Tamsyn said "I went to one where the teacher went out of her way to assure me my child was not special! I just stared at her." Other friends have admitted that they sometimes cry before - and, in one case, during - parents' evenings.

Look into my eyes

But how do teachers do it? Is it just that they learn ‘parent intimidation techniques’ at college? I have noticed a similar look in the eye of every one of Harry’s teachers – it’s a look that says “You can come out with any nonsense you like, but I’m in charge here.” They agree with me, make me feel like I'm being heard and then turn it all around to whatever it is they wanted me or Harry to do in the first place. It's like a Jedi mind trick or something they've learned from watching Derren Brown.

That's if I've even had the courage to say my piece. More often than not I end up babbling, “It’s great! Everything’s fine! No. No questions!” When what I really want to say is “Any chance you could shove Biff, Chip and Floppy where the sun don’t shine?” 

Please write 100 times 'You don't need them to like you'

I think part of it is that I want them to think I’m a good parent. I know I am a good parent, but perhaps not in the way they want me to be – I’m more interested in Harry’s happiness than his handwriting, for instance - and so I end up agreeing to whatever they suggest just to make them think better of me. Or maybe it's just that I'm a wuss who quivers in the face of authority. Who knows? Maybe I should I ask a teacher...