My four-year-old takes the bus to school. He loves the independence it gives him, but is he too young?
When I found out my four-year-old’s primary school offered free transport there was never any doubt in my mind that we would use it. Putting him on the school bus is cheaper and greener than driving, and easier than juggling the school run with the nursery drop-off.
When I mentioned it to a friend of mine she was horrified. “But he’s only four,” she wailed, “he’s far too young to take the bus!”
Several other parents I spoke to held the same view, and I began to wonder if I was expecting too much from my son. When New York journalist Lenore Skenazy let her nine-year-old ride the subway on his own, there was a national outcry. She was dubbed ‘America’s worst mom’ and appeared on countless chat shows justifying her actions. But like Lenore, I want my children to be independent, and putting my four-year-old on the bus to school feels right for me.
Young children are too vulnerable to take public transport alone
Photographer Lynn Ede would never let a child as young as four or five take a bus. “What if they’re ill or worried about something?” she says, “do they have to rely on other children for comfort? Not to mention the risk of bullying or unkind treatment.” With lunch boxes, PE kits and book bags to remember, Lynn feels it’s a lot to ask of a four year old to travel to school alone. “It’s too much responsibility on tiny shoulders.”
School buses are a lifeline for rural communities
I’m lucky to have a car and I could drive my son to school if I wanted to. But for many families this isn’t possible and small village schools could struggle to maintain numbers without drawing in children from surrounding areas. For our school, the free bus service is undoubtedly a big attraction. Rona Amiss lives on a farm in Devon and put her daughter on the school bus when she’d just turned four. “Living in a rural area the school transport system is an absolute lifeline,” she says. Having taken the bus to school herself as a child, Rona feels perfectly safe waving off her daughter with her school mates.
Every child is different
If the school bus is an option for you, it’s important to decide whether or not it’s the right decision for your child. Just like leaving your children home alone, there are no legal age limits or statutory guidelines. My son is a confident four-year-old and we’ve had many conversations about making good choices, dealing with challenges and coping with bad influences. Just as importantly, the bus driver is responsible and caring, identifying older children to help with seat belts and provide informal mentoring to the younger ones.
Making these sorts of decisions about a child’s independence is always tricky, and I’d love to hear how independent your own children are. Would you send your son or daughter to school on the bus? What factors help you make up your mind about the amount of independence you give your children?
Photo credit: At the bus stop by Emily Carlisle.
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17 October, 2011
Ohh Emily, I cannot imagine sending my 4 year olds to school on a bus but then I have never had to consider this option as we live 5 mins walk from school.
Is there someone who travels with the kids to look after their welfare? Does the driver count them on and off and make sure they get through the door at school? I think these are the kind of things I would be worrying about as well as the logistics of trying to carry everything.
My girls only turned 4 in July and there is no way they would be grown up enough to do this. One is underconfident and one if overconfident! You know your own child and if you judge then they are ready then who can argue with that?
Mich x
17 October, 2011
Oh Emily, this post has made me go cold! I can't possibly imagine my son who is four next week going on a bus on his own. I feel that he is still my baby and that it's far too much responsibility for him to remember where to get off, remember his stuff, not to speak to anyone, etc. etc. I'm finding it really difficult to comment on this post due to the emotions that I'm feeling right now!
mum
17 October, 2011
Thanks so much for commenting. Helen's absolutely right, our school bus is a minibus. The driver knows every child as well as the teachers, and is very much part of the school family. The school has fewer than 100 pupils and there is a strong focus on pastoral care, which extends to the school commute. This morning I kissed Josh goodbye at the bus stop and saw his friends shouting, 'I've saved you a seat, Josh!' An older child (8) immediately stood up and helped him put on his seat belt, and Josh was grinning from ear to ear. About once a week I drive him to school so I can stay in touch with the teachers (and retrieve lost jumpers, water bottles, PE kits...) On these mornings Josh is usually very cross indeed that he isn't taking the bus - he really loves it!
admin
17 October, 2011
I think you are very brave for writing this post Emily, and sharing your experiences with us, as this is clearly a topic that other parents feel very strongly about.
I think it's very hard to put a "blanket rule" on situations like these, because people live in all sorts of towns, cities and villages, and what works in one setting may not necessarily work in another. Whilst reading your post the initial thoughts that came to my head were a) do they wear seatbelts? b) what type of bus is it ?c) are they escorted into school when they arrive? These were all addressed in your follow up comment. When my daughter was 2 years old her nursery organised a trip to a large park about 20 miles or so away from the nursery. I was asked to return a form to say I was happy for her to go. I enquired where we should leave our car seats at the nursery for them to put on the large coach that would be taking the children, and was told that they were not required. I was horrified at the thought of my two year old travelling on a coach wearing nothing but a lap belt and refused to let her go, but opted to drive her there myself, stay with the group, and drive her home afterwards. Coming back to your situation , it sounds like all of these aspects have been carefully considered, and this is what works for your family, so well done for having the courage to take that big step towards independence with your son.
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team
mum
17 October, 2011
Hi Emily, I wrote a blog post about this very thing a few days ago! - my daughter, who will be five next month, started going on the school bus last week. I had reservations but she was so desperate to use the bus, i gave in in the end, and she absolutely loves it. Your set up sounds pretty much the same as ours - a small minibus, the driver knows all the children by name, the teacher is there to meet them etc, and it is only a two minute journey. I am so proud of her for wanting to do it, and having that independence etc. If she was against going on the bus, I wouldn't hesitate in driving her in instead - am taking her lead....
mum
17 October, 2011
Elsie, I will go and check out your blog post now. Like you, if my son started showing concern about travelling on the bus I would simply drive him in.
Sarah Lee, thanks so much for your support. I do believe it's important to give our children confidence.
Leigh, thanks for your comment. Yes, absolutely what works for one family doesn't necessarily work for others.
mum
20 October, 2011
Emily, I'm with you - my elder boys have been getting the school bus since they started primary. They know the drivers and most of the other kids on the bus and were desperate to go.
I have recruited an older child to help keep an eye on one of mine when they started on the bus and equally my 9YO helps with a little neighbour who travels to school too.
mum
20 October, 2011
Emily, I'm with you - my elder boys have been getting the school bus since they started primary. They know the drivers and most of the other kids on the bus and were desperate to go.
I have recruited an older child to help keep an eye on one of mine when they started on the bus and equally my 9YO helps with a little neighbour who travels to school too.
mum
20 October, 2011
It's good to hear I'm not alone, Ellen. Thank you for commenting!