Do as I do, not as I say

Each morning I dish out the cereal, adding chopped-up fruit to the children’s and a large spoonful of sugar to my own. At lunchtime I pour three tumblers of water, then open a Diet Coke for myself. When it comes to eating I have one set of rules for the children, and another set entirely for me.

Double standards

These double standards aren’t just confined to meal times. I tell the children to get to bed early, then stay up till midnight myself. I won’t let them play electronic games, yet will happily while away an evening on social networking sites. I limit their television to one good quality programme each day, but watch back-to-back episodes of Eastenders once they’re in bed.  

It seems I’m not alone in proclaiming "do as I say, not as I do". Heather regularly contradicts her own house rules. “I’m constantly telling my two off for throwing things,” she says, “then I find myself chucking wipes, shoes and nappies as I tidy up.”  Emily agrees: “I tell mine not to shout, then I holler across the house myself.”

Fruit for the children, chocolate for mum

The most popular occasion for us parents to apply a spot of poetic licence is undoubtedly at meal times. Whether it’s encouraging our kids to eat their five-a-day (while we skip our vitamins in favour of buttered toast) or carefully watching their fat intake (while we scoff two packets of crisps in a row), almost all the mums I spoke with admitted to bending the truth. Karen confesses to covert tactics when it comes to snack time: “I hide in the kitchen eating KitKats while they nibble on apples in the other room.”

Like many mothers I know, I pride myself on qualities such as honesty, integrity and consistency. We wouldn’t lie to our best friends, so why do we find ourselves applying such two-faced tactics with our own children?

The general consensus is that it’s because we want our kids to have the very best start in life. “It’s my responsibility to make sure they don’t just eat biscuits,” Karen says.

I'm the adult – I know best

So have we simply given up on our own health and wellbeing? Or is it that we place so much importance on our children’s lives that our own behaviour pales into insignificance? For my part, I still strive to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I’m not overweight, I exercise, eat well and generally stay in shape. It’s not that I don’t care. But what I’ve realised in considering this issue is that I’m guilty of a certain arrogance inherent in being older than my children. ‘I’m the adult – I know best’. ‘I’m the parent – I can do what I want’. But just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.

Time for a change

I’ve resolved to change my tactics and lose the double-standard parenting style. After all, what sort of example does it set to the children? I’ve realised that I need to take some of the good advice I dish out so freely to my family, and at the same time relax the rules a bit when I apply them to the kids.

Does it really matter if they have a slice of cake instead of fruit one day? Will it damage them forever if they spend an entire morning watching CBeebies? Vickie doesn’t think so: “I don’t consider television a negative activity, so it’s not limited. It’s on a lot, they’re free to watch it or not.” Her approach may not be for everyone, but we're going to see how it works.

So I’m making my New Year’s resolution early, and pledging to be more honest with my children about my own lifestyle choices. I’m determined to change the way I tackle this issue, and I’ll be asking the children to help me stick to it.

I might even make myself a reward chart.