The playground can be a cold and lonely place. My schooldays were chilly, but now mentoring schemes can help kids develop warm friendships.
I hated playtimes as a child. When I say I was not sporty, I mean I was barely interested in walking in a straight line, let alone running, and especially not kicking, throwing or touching a ball. I had no desire to join in with games that I was not good at, that I did not enjoy and that I was inevitably picked last for. Winter was the worst time of all. I really wanted to be indoors, reading a book, with a nice hot drink, preferably lying on a chaise longue. Instead I stood shivering on the edge of the netball court, trying to read standing up while avoiding being hit by random balls.
It took me a while but I did very, very gradually, realise the virtues and values of socialising with my classmates. I even eventually joined in quite happily with playing jacks and the odd bit of skipping, though I was still utterly mystified by those who played netball at lunchtimes when they didn’t have to. But I did worry about my two little daughters when they came along. To say that they took after me was to understate the case. These Pink Lady apples had fallen about a milimetre from the tree. Neither of them was interested in sports, both were great readers. I hated to think that the playground would be the same source of misery for them that it so often was for me.
A life on the sidelines?
Luckily, the girls started off in Belgium at a school designed for the children of bureaucrats. They had sport for a scant hour a week, and playtimes were dominated by a series of non-sport-related crazes, like making complicated bracelets and collecting keyrings, about the level of sportiness my daughters could cope with.
When we came to the UK, netball kicked in with a vengeance and I was promptly called to the school by the games teacher. ‘These girls are unable to throw a ball,’ she said. ‘Ah,’ I replied, failing to show either surprise, shock, or the correct degree of interest. The teacher became agitated. ‘You need to make them practise. Throw balls to each other,’ she exhorted. ‘If you haven’t got a ball, you can use crumpled-up newspaper,’ she finally said in desperation.
I decided to splash out and buy a ball and we duly chucked it to each other in the garden. The games teacher relaxed, but I was concerned about playtimes. If the girls were as unsporty as I, were they doomed to a life on the sidelines?
I needn’t have fretted. The school had set up a clever mentoring scheme, whereby older children were given a day’s special ‘training’ in listening to the needs of the little ones, and then roamed the playground, seeking out those who lack the running-around gene and need to be encouraged to join in. The idea not only boosts the self-esteem of those chosen to mentor, but also fulfils the hugely valuable service of preventing those children, who like me were a bit different, from becoming too isolated. There is even a special designated ‘buddy stop’, where kids can go if they are looking for someone to play with.
Tips and schemes
Children are not all born with instant empathy, they need to develop it, and mentoring schemes can help to allow consideration for others and sensitivity towards different points of view to develop and flourish. The Mentoring and Befriending Foundation’s website has loads of tips and schemes which can be applied to most playgrounds. It also offers packs which can help to start off a scheme in your school or playgroup. The schemes work really well in junior schools and can also be applied in secondaries, as students often feel more comfortable confiding their problems to peers rather than teachers.
I wish peer mentoring had been around when I was little. And all my imaginary friends wish that too.
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mum
04 February, 2011
I think these mentoring schemes are a fabulous idea. I think my daugher's school has implemented something whereby a few of the older children are 'trained' to help the younger ones. There's nothing worse than thinking your child is out there lost in the playground on their own.
mum
04 February, 2011
Oh that's great, Rosie, sounds like your daughter's school is on the case :)
admin
04 February, 2011
Wow I didn't know they had mentoring schemes in UK schools! In my daughter's school they used to pair her up with older girls at playtime in the early days, the teacher would say "So and so is brilliant at skipping, shall we ask her if she will teach you at playtime today" etc to encourage the little ones to go and play in the big playground, but I'm not sure if it's an official programme they run.
Brilliant idea, and great link thanks Alice.
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team
mum
07 February, 2011
Sounds like your daughter's teachers were very tactful and great at mentoring even without an official scheme. It's great if the children themselves can be involved too as it really helps to develop their empathy :)
admin
20 February, 2012
I love this idea too. I agree, Rosie, it must feel terrible to think that your child may be feeling lost and alone! My son will be starting school next year and I'd love to think that he had some extra support at playtime to encourage him to settle in.
Great post, Alice! .. and the Mentoring and Befriending Foundation website is full of great tips and ideas.
Sue
Ready For Ten Team