I don't want my boy to grow up too quickly.
As a single parent to an only child I am sometimes concerned by how much time my son spends exclusively with adults. Because he has no siblings, and a few of my close friends don’t have children, my son can often find himself being the only child in a group of 30-somethings.
I think most parents want to raise a child who is adaptable to different situations, one happy in the company of their peers, adults and, indeed, themselves.
One of the main reasons I encourage a healthy social life for my child is to counteract the amount of time he finds himself alone, or surrounded by grown-ups.
Of course a child spends a lot of their normal week at school where other children surround them, but school is a monitored environment, where children are assisted in making friends.
Making friends outside of that environment, and caring little for anything more serious than what you are going to play next, are things I really enjoy watching my boy do.
I think that too much time spent with adults may hinder his ability to play with other children and also see him grow up too quickly.
I know I am not alone.
Helping your child make friends
Such was the concern of one parent I know, they were arranging almost daily post-school play dates with other children in a bid to make their child more sociable.
This parent thought their child wasn’t social enough, wasn’t spending enough time with other children and was always far too interested in what the adults were up to.
You can read Joanne’s expert advice on how to help your child make friends at school.
Whatever you do though, some children will simply prefer adult company.
It is more common for children considered ‘gifted and talented’ and with a higher than average intellect to enjoy, and thrive in, the company of adults.
Children with Dyspraxia, a neurological problem that can affect many areas of development, can also prefer being around adults.
Copying adult behaviour
I like the positive effect that adult company sometimes has on my child. His willingness to be the same and mimic adult behaviour has definitely helped at times.
When he’s around some of my friends, he sometimes copies me and starts referring to them by their nicknames rather than how I’ve suggest he addresses them. He might also fetch similar clothes, or ask for the same food or drinks.
As a positive example, my son had been refusing to fix his own car seatbelt despite sometimes sitting next to peers who had fastened themselves in. However, when recently sat in a car full of adults he was literally fighting off the help of others, insisting he could do it himself.
Which is what he has done ever since.
Fitting in
So fitting in with the grown-ups can have positive results and children can enjoy themselves just as much as they do in the company of their friends.
Emily’s son had a great time as the only child camping with a group of adults.
But how about you? Have you experienced negative or positive effects of adult company on your children?
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20 June, 2011
Thanks for a really interesting post Ian. I can see both sides of the discussion here first hand. When I was growing up I spent most of my time with my mum, as my dad worked away from home a lot. I believe it taught me independance, how to knit, sew, play boardgames, enjoy quiet reading time, how to prepare meals and many other life skills I use in my everday life now.
I have three children and two black labs, and our house is chaotic to say the least. We have friends round for tea at least once a week, the noise level in the house is always on "high", and it looks like we've been burgled most days. As a result my children love the company of others their age, but they also crave one-on-one adult time with either me or my husband, and we try to factor this special time in with each of them as regularly as we can. I don't think there is anything wrong with children spending a lot of time in adult company, but agree that factoring in time with other children outside of school definately helps to create more of a balance.
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team