How do you balance teaching your children perspective with protecting them from harsh realities?
I'm really irritated when my son gets upset at times when he should be grateful.
When a child refuses to be thankful for something they've just received because they really wanted something else, or more than they have been given, is one of the mosy annoying things about parenthood, in my opinion.
My son dislikes having his hair cut, so recently I distracted him with thoughts of going to buy a comic once he had sat through his latest trim.
All was going well until the newsagent didn’t have the particular comic that he wanted. Then came the waterworks.
I have absolutely no problem with my child expressing his feelings with tears, I always tell him it's often a positive thing to cry, but at times like these I really wish he wouldn’t.
Count your blessings
Alternate comics were offered, as was the promise to purchase the latest issue of The Beano when I next came across it. But no, this was not enough. Sadness turned to frustration and anger. He even ended up making derogatory statements about this particular newsagent’s stock holding policy.
At this point I tried to explain that this situation, this disappointment, didn’t really warrant his reaction, and to focus on all the comics he already had and that having to wait a bit longer for the next one is really a great situation to be in.
I didn’t want to reel out the well-worn parenting catchphrase: ‘You don’t know how lucky you are.’ But I was close.
And I know I am not alone. I recently had a conversation with a parent who explained that they had consoled their child as none of the wine gums he had left to eat were green.
Harsh realities
Like many parents, I am conflicted on showing my child the realities of life for others in the UK and around the world. Though I think doing so does help my son gain a better perspective on his own life.
We watched a lot of the Comic Relief footage earlier this year – including Helen Skelton’s incredible high wire record -- and the parts that documented the work of the charity really upset my boy. However it did lead to some great conversation about the situations people are in, and how privileged we are in comparison.
But is this an argument I should use every time my child demonstrates a lack of gratitude?
I think it is important that children realise that the world is not always as kind to others, but at the same time, I don’t want him going to bed every night worrying about the poverty stricken children around the globe.
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13 July, 2011
Truly, I don't think any child will know how lucky they are until they can look back on their life as an adult.
I do think that children in this country and those like it should be made aware that those around aren't as fortunate and appreciate your comment on while you want to do so, you don't want him worrying about poverty stricken children around the world.
One thing we as a family have done is sponsor two children, one in Honduras and one in Uganda and both through a child sponsorship programme. My children get to learn about how others live, and the differences. We talk about what we have that they don't, and how we can help them to also have the things that all of us here take for granted like clothes, a meal a day and an education. Our children write and the younger ones draw pictures to send and in return they receive replies and updates. When our sponsor children write to say what a difference we have made to them it helps to illustrate that not only is it good to think of others but that you can do small things to help change somebody elses life for the better in a big way. This way they learn that not everyone is as fortunate but they learn humility and compassion and feel involved in doing something positive for those that aren't as lucky as they are.
mum
13 July, 2011
Sounds all too familiar Ian. I've been getting frustrated with my daughter recently for often being ungrateful. As she is nearly eight her understanding of the news is better and she's now old enough to discuss some of the things going on in the world, such as the drought in East Africa. It's hard with younger children but I have found that this has helped her to put things into perspective a little more, until she sees an advertisement on the television, at which point I switch the damn thing off!
dad
13 July, 2011
Good point Tania, and thinking about it, I'm not sure that even I know. Sponsoring is a great idea and means of teaching perspective.
Yes Rosie, TV advertising doesn't help this process. Or perhaps it does.
14 July, 2011
I feel that we live in a world now where what we used to class as treats are an everyday occurence and kids don't realise how lucky they are. Agree with Tania that it's not until you are an adult that you appreciate how lucky you are, but we can certainly try to educate our children in realising that there are people in the world who are a lot less well off than they are.
mum
14 July, 2011
Thought provoking post Ian - I had to laugh a bit at the making derogatory comments about the newsagents stockholding policy bit! I wonder if it's got something to do with they can't project into the future enough to see that they can get it in a few days. Maybe they get fixated on wanting a particular thing and build it up so much the disappointment is out of proportion.
I remember being told when I didn't eat all my dinner how lucky I was because there were starving children in Africa. My son watched Comic Relief too and Children in Need and was very moved by it - he gave his pocket money and talked a lot about it. But I do think the effect only lasts a short time.
admin
14 July, 2011
I was having this discussion just the other day. I try so hard not to "spoil" my children and I feel I am fairly strict in saying "no you can't, no you can't" all the way round the supermarket, and I also tell them about growing up in Africa and how so many children had so little. Sadly this does fall largely on deaf ears. They are only 6,4 and 2 so perhaps I am being a little over-expectant, who knows? I also love the idea of sponsoring children Tania, and the fact that they get to experience that childs life through story must make a massive difference too.
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team