Expert post: Negotiating the birthday party minefield

As children get older, the whole class parties they might have had at five often get smaller, until you're down to a couple of friends for a sleepover by the time they turn ten. But even smaller parties can be trickier to navigate.

My son's friends seem to be doing exciting stuff like go kart racing and cinema trips for parties, but we're on a budget. Are they going to be bored if his birthday party is just a DVD and a sleepover at home?

Many parents would admire your bravery in hosting a sleepover party - whilst it might cost less, you could still lose sleep and gain a few grey hairs by the end. Please don't get drawn in to competitive party throwing. Children don't need buckets of cash thrown at them to have a good time. And anyway, a cinema party is still possible on a budget if you stick to the cheapie Saturday morning film clubs.

There's no reason why your son's sleepover can't be as much fun as any other party - make it special with hot chocolate at bedtime, a stupidly late bedtime and the latest DVD. Remember that not all children are comfortable staying away from home overnight, so give the option for guests to go home in the evening if they want to.

Who decides the guest list? On our post about making friends at school, Donna asked - with a limited guest list, should her daughter prioritise someone whose party she's been invited to, over someone else who's more of a pal?

I feel that at primary school age the guest list should be mostly the child's choice, with some parental guidance. They have outgrown the stage where they'll simply play with their parents' friends' children. Other children will know that parties are smaller and that they will not be invited to every one, and not every party invitation will be reciprocated. Steer your child towards the kindest choice.

I have to confirm numbers with the venue, but half the guests haven't RSVP'd - what shall I do?

There's little point in getting angry about it, because everyone who's ever held a children's party will have had to chase up reply-phobics. Go parent hunting in the playground, and ask your child to chase up invitees as well. And next time, write on the invitation that you need to know numbers in order to book tickets, and include a mobile number for text RSVPs.

My daughter's friend is a twin - so should I invite both sisters to her party? And if she goes to theirs, do I buy one present or two? If I get two, should they both be the same?

Ready for Ten editor Linda's a mum of twin girls, and this is her advice: If your daughter is friends with just one of the twins, don't feel bad about not inviting their sibling. But if she is friends with both, then invite both. Twins aged six to nine, like other children are coming to terms with how friendships don't have to include everyone.

The worst thing you can do (and I've had it happen) is to not invite either because you don't feel sure. If in doubt talk to the twins' parent, they really won't mind.

When it comes to presents, if she is friends with both, then my own preference would be two different presents, but again if you have time, a quick check with the parent should be in order. If your daughter is friends with just one of the twins, it's perfectly fine just to buy the one present. At the end of the day, the children should be grateful for any present you are kind enough to buy them, so don't stress it.

 Related posts:

Five party themes for boys

Five party themes for girls