Helping around the house benefits all the family - but how can we persuade our children to pitch in?
Isn't it fascinating the variety of things children do around the house? Some can barely be bothered to turn over and scratch, whilst others have a long list of chores.
If you expect your child to help around the house, the earlier you start the better. If they're reluctant now, imagine how much harder it will be to get them moving when they're teenagers.
Sometimes I think the reason that parents don't ask their kids to do more is because they assume they won't do it right. It's often easier to just go ahead and do it yourself. But if your child is to learn how to take responsibility for their own environment then they have to start somewhere, even if their standards don't quite match up to yours.
Chores that should be doable by a six to nine year old include:
- Putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket
- Feeding and taking care of pets
- Setting the table
- Putting dishes in the dishwasher
- Picking up their toys (remember they're already doing this at school)
- Dusting
- Helping to wash the car
- Older children might want to try supervised ironing. My daughter was doing this from around 8.
- This age appropriate chore chart has suggestions for all ages
Of course the fact that they can do it doesn't mean that they will. I am regularly greeted with lots of huffing and puffing and complaints that I'm treating my children like slaves. But as a study recently suggested, not doing chores may be bad for their development. So really, we owe it to them to get them to pitch in.
Bribery and other methods
In our house, pocket money is doled out on a Sunday morning to children with tidy bedrooms. In between, we do not nag or do it for them. In practice what this means is that my son has a messy bedroom and little cash - in contrast, his sister's room is neat as a pin, and her money box is overflowing. When my son wants something, then he is motivated to do some jobs
And I think working with what motivates your child is often the best way forward. My daughter likes dusting the TV, mainly because she likes watching it. My son likes vaccuming because he loves machines.
Then we mix that in with the less interesting, but necessary stuff like sorting laundry or setting the table. With new chores, younger children may need very specific instructions at first, so things like a basket in their room for them to put dirty clothes into will help.
Music can also help - many schools have a designated 'Tidy Up Time' complete with a soundtrack to jolly things along. So crank up your favourite song to make chore time more fun. Or threaten to sing at them if they don't do what they're asked.
Your children are now old enough to take on board the lesson that as a family we all have to pitch in, rather than everything falling to one person. And this is a life lesson that we parents have a duty to give to our children. We've all met adults who haven't a clue how to pick up after themselves - is that how you want your child to be?
So how do chores work in your house? Do your children pitch in without complaint, or do you nag them to help out? Is pocket money dependant on doing jobs? Or do you think that childhood is for playing rather than work?
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05 November, 2010
It's about building the "we" spirit of a family so joining in, helping out and doing jobs around the house treaches that as well as responsibility and kindness.
Sue Atkins
Author of "Raising Happy Children for Dummies"
editor
08 November, 2010
Loved this post, thanks Joanne, problem is in our house everyone except Dad is useless at chores so I need to start at the beginning...
admin
08 November, 2010
This is a fab post Joanne, and I must say I am guilty of not dishing out chores because I think I would do a better job of it.
My little ones are not overly keen on picking up their toys (they do have to be forced/bribed) but we have re-introduced sticker charts and stickers now mean cash. For every ten stickers they earn, they receive £1.00 for their money box. I am not ashamed of this technique, I see it as them learning the value of money :-) They are more interested in helping with kitchen chores however; unpacking their things out of the dishwasher, helping with the laundry, making beds etc, but they don't like picking up their toys.
Your link to Age Appropriate Chores is really helpful and definately one to stick on the fridge!
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team
09 November, 2010
At the moment, we seem to be resorting to bribery for homework, as in "If you get your homework done by X time, we will go to the park, or climbing wall afterward." So, for housework/chores we are forced to do a reverse-bribery: "If you don't tidy your room, you will not get to watch X Factor tonight."
I hate that it comes to this, however, it is somewhat useful in teaching about responsibilities v. treats, time management and frankly, who's boss.
expert
09 November, 2010
Thank you all for your comments. I don't think this is an easy one for most of us. Half the time it's less bother just to do stuff yourself, but then before you know it you've got a ten year old on your hands who's doing nothing, and doesn't see why they should.
I think laundry is a good place to start - designate a spot where used pants and socks have to go every day so it is very simple for the child to understand. Hopefully this will soon become a regular habit like brushing their teeth.
10 November, 2010
To be fair I have tried to use the bribery method to get my oldest girl to do chores (however minor) but because she sees her baby sister not doing it,she thinks she is being treated unfairly? What can you suggest to this?
expert
10 November, 2010
Pearcey, she's playing you! She knows that there are lots of things she can do because she's older, just as there are lots of things her baby sister can't do because she's younger, but you might want to remind her of that again.
If you are paying her for chores, then point out that although she may be doing work, she is also enjoying the rewards. That seems pretty fair to me. It sounds like what she really wants is a bit of extra attention to show that she's your baby too. Could you spend some one to one time with her over the next few days? Maybe after your youngest has gone to bed?
11 November, 2010
My daughter is smaller (4), and at the moment she really loves it when we do stuff together, so it's quite easy to get her to help by explaining that I need to do xyz this morning, if she gives me a hand we can do it quickly and then get the paints out. She doesn't really do much, but she'll help me put stuff in the washing machine, putting the powder in etc.
We only have two 'rules': that she hangs her coat up after nursery and that she keeps her toys in her bedroom. Mostly they are in boxes and she can bring two or three out into the living room where she place most, but if she wants more, she has to put some back. We usually pack up the toys together, but she does join in. I usually put a positive spin on it - if we're going to play with x, then we'll need more space, let's put y away and then we can have lots of room to get x out.She's mostly quite good about it. But they're not really 'chores' I don't suppose.
I gather from this that I can expect the spirit of co-operation to fall apart over the next couple of years?
29 December, 2010
A couple of years ago, when they girls were six we started giving them pocket money for feeding the pets, and that worked for a while, but as they never spent their money until christmas or birthdays, and i was so lax at remembering to pay up, they themselves at one point said that maybe we shouldn't bother with the money, as we should all help out anyway. and i obviously was quick to agree ;) Now we tend to give them cash in lump sums, of a tenner here or there for trying really hard at learning a new song on the piano, or stuff like that. They also raise cash by selling or donating their old things to charity (we hold bi-annual yard sales and i slip them a little money for charitable donations).
Their chores are not called chores but are rather part of their integral role within the family. They make their own breakfast and beds (most of the time), scrape and stack their plates in the dishwasher, lay the table, tidy their toys and bedroom and playroom, carry/put away shopping, feed pets, water plants, hang up coats, put away shoes, and hoover. i also like the idea of starting them on ironing...
They know that i dust, tidy, mop and cook. and wash-up. i also tend to fold the laundry and hang it.. although they can now put in a load and start the machine, and i've been working on getting them to hang stuff on the line properly!
My partner also cooks occasionally, cleans out the turtle tank and puts out the rubbish. So they girls know that we all play a part in the running of the house. If they do their bit them we'll do ours. but if they don't, well then, three (or four) can play at that game... and they'll be singing for their supper and making their own halloween and show costumes!!
It's going ok so far, and i really think it's important for their development as mentioned in the post. Fingers crossed for the teenage years though ;)