This is the topic of many arguments in my house and we still haven't reached a decision that makes everyone happy!
Deciding whether or not to let my child play out in the street alone is a huge dilemma for me! I sway between surely it must be okay, to absolutely not, and back again on a regular basis! I know my daughter finds my reluctance to let her play out alone very frustrating! Despite regular debate of the question I am no closer to being comfortable with a decision.
I think the problem lies with the fact that I was allowed to play in the street when I was younger, probably about the same age as my daughter, but things were different then, weren't they? More children played out, there seemed to be a greater presence of parents just doing chores at the front of the house, washing cars, tending gardens, and so although out playing 'alone', I suppose it was really under the watchful eye of parents or neighbours. This community spirit doesn't exist today, well at least not where I live!
When I think of the potential dangers I would be exposing my daughter to, traffic, strangers, children who are older than her involving her in inappropriate activities, I'm just not happy to let her go out alone. She argues that she is old enough, that she won't be naughty, that she won't wander off, that she knows about strangers (a fact she refuses to discuss as it's too scary!) and the trump card “other parents let their children play out alone”. So I am back where I started still not having reached a decision.
I checked out two very helpful resources the NSPCC (download) and Disney Family website, both of which give great hints and tips on how to teach your child to stay safe whilst out alone. What I was unable to find was a definitive answer on just how old a child should be before they play out alone. At the end of the day the decision is yours, you must decide if your child is responsible and careful enough to play out alone, you must take into account your local surroundings, the flow of traffic, how lonely the area is and any other potential dangers.
My daughter is almost seven and I just don't think she is quite responsible enough to play out alone just yet. Yes, maybe I'm overprotective, but for now playing out alone is just going to have to wait. However there are things I can be doing to get her ready for playing out alone such as:
- Ensuring she has good road safety skills – the Department for Transport offer a great interactive online resource here.
- Talking about stranger danger – My Child Safety has some good tips on how to approach this here.
In the meantime I will continue to provide my children with plenty of outdoor play opportunities both in the garden and activities such as bike rides and playing in the local parks with 'loose supervision'.
Do you let your children play out alone and at what age do you think it's okay to do so? Does your refusal to allow them out alone cause arguments? We'd love to hear your experience and advice on this topic!
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07 April, 2010
We live in a quiet cul-de-sac in a village. There is a real community feel to our street. When we first moved here I was reluctant to let my oldest child play out. Then I noticed every child in the street did from age 3 up. The older kids all looked after the smaller ones. This being the case I let my 6 year old and my 4 year old join in.
The rules were that there had to be at least 1 other child from another house out playing too. Front doors from houses were kept open and kids wandered in and out. I found 12 children playing in my house one day!
As my older too grew up they became the oldest children playing out and took on the responsibility of watching the youngest. When they stopped playing out the next oldest in street took on that role. My younger 2 age 6 and 8 have been playing out for years, minded by older children.
I guess it depends on where you live. At our old house there would have been no way they were ever allowed out to play. I didn't know my neighbours and the road was busy. Here we all know each other and the only cars are street residents. There are lots of elderly residents who take great pleasure in watching the kids play.
07 April, 2010
@ Penny Nash - thanks for taking time to leave this comment - you are very right I suppose a lot does depend on where you live & like you say the community spirit!
07 April, 2010
We lived in a top floor flat in a converted victorian house - the road was not too busy. Luckily we had a big park one road away that I could see from my kitchen window. I first let my children go out and play when son around 6 but his sister was 8-9. They were only allowed to play at the top bit of the park where I could see them (this rule was pushed a bit by them but after having me storm towards them bellowing on the park they soon learned lol). Initially letting them out is really difficult and you can't settle but you gradually get used to the silence in the house! If your children are equipped with all the safety tips, common sense and the rules of where they can and can't go they will be fine (good for teaching them to tell the time too!). And it's the strangest feeling when one day someone says 'where are the children?' and you nonchalently say 'oh don't know, out playing somewhere'
Good luck! :-)
07 April, 2010
my Dd is now 10yo and has just started to play out alone. And as there are no other kids nearby it really is 'alone' in her case. We decided that the ability to judge danger and car speed were the two biggest factor. And as she is alone she takes a mobile phone. There was a high profile child abduction and murder only yards from where we live, so I am more nervous than is probably necessary. When she's 11 she will start walking to school alone too - a 15 miniute journey with 6 road crosses, only 3 of which have crossings/lollipop ladies.
i wish life was like when I was a kid and I sometimes wish that less 'horror stories' made the news. There are less abductions now than in the 50s but we rea about every one!
There are however many more cars on the roads now.
Good luck with your choice.
07 April, 2010
@fantasticpru - I think the age of my son (4) is probably what puts me off the most - if girly goes out he is going to want to follow and is just not ready! I think when she is about 9/10 and he 6/7 I will probably feel differently. I'm just not ready to answer the "where are the children?" question with "I don't know... out playing somewhere" just yet, but in a few years I'm sure I will be desperate too!
07 April, 2010
@tattooed_mummy - thanks for your comments - my husband is totally set on age 10 for playing out/going out alone too, by which time I will have had plenty of opportunity to instil road safety and stranger danger!
mum
07 April, 2010
Wendy that's an excellent post, can I add my tuppence worth? We live on the outskirts of a village, in a quiet street off the main road. Part of the reason for living there is that the kids can play out. I don't know all the neighbours but I do know all the kids and their parents.
My boys are 10 and nearly eight and have been playing out for a while. They know the limit of the area they are allowed to range in and are strictly instructed not to go into anyone's house without coming and telling me.
I was anxious when they first went out and for one summer stocked a range of tasty snacks to lure all the kids in the area round to ours. We also have an outside tap so we become a good venue for water fights.
Awful things do happen to children out playing and they become big stories in the news, but I really believe that there aren't any more than there ever used to be when we were young. In fact, I think there will always be a very few horribly unhinged people who do dreadful things, but there is absolutely nothing beyond ordinary vigilance we can do to protect against them. So there you have it. x
mum
08 April, 2010
This is a tricky one and sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock to when they were toddlers...
I guess it all depends on the individual child. Level of maturity, having older siblings, the area you live in all play a part.
We have a password only known to us that I would use if I needed to send someone to get them so they aren't prey, hopefully to going with strangers. Also do the stranger danger talk every so often. One handset of a pair of walkie talkies is also good to give them, mine seem less likely to lose this than a phone.
Cars are such a big fear - really wish 20mph around streets was compulsory and enforced.
08 April, 2010
@Ellen - stocking up on lots of goodies is a great idea! As is the strict area they can go in & having to come and tell you before they go in a house! - Thanks for tips!!
@DebCarrots - The special password and the walkie talkies are a great idea! But yes cars are a big fear! Especially as my sons now has glue ear and doesn't hear very well at all! - Thanks for the ideas!
mum
08 April, 2010
There are some great comments on this post, Wendy. I agree it depends on a number of factors, in particular -- where you live and the child's level of maturity. My daughter is six, nearly seven, like yours. I would never let her play out on her own. We are too near a busy road for starters, plus I don't think she is mature enough yet.
admin
13 April, 2010
Our road is fairly busy which is a bit tricky, but we have a great park pretty much opposite. I'm not sure when the time will be right for my son to venture out on his own over there but I'm loving that walkie talkie idea! Less 'lose-able' than a mobile phone! I think him being with older kids would put my mind slightly at ease too but I can't imagine him playing out on his own for quite a while yet! :/
Sue
Ready For Ten
11 May, 2010
I find this so hard too. I think you basically have to take into account your child and your area. Miss E is 9 and while she's sensible she's a small 9 and I just feel she's too vulnerable yet. The area I live in is ok but our street is used as a bit of a cut through and the road at the end is pretty busy and very difficult to cross. Maybe I'm just not ready too, but right now E seems happy enough to play in our garden and we all head off to the park fairly regularly.
I know the day will come when she wants more. I have her name down at the local guides as I'm hoping that will be a way for her to get to know more children in the area. Safety in numbers and all that.