A couple of months ago I found the idea of a child with a mobile shocking. Now I’m glad I gave in.
“I want sum lunch,” was the first text message from my eight-year-old son to ping into my mobile inbox. With it came a huge sense of relief.
“You can have some if you spell your message correctly,” I replied from the next room. It was just my boy with a telephonic toy, after all.
Like Deb and her kids, he had waged a relentless campaign to get a mobile for Christmas.
“All my friends have one,” he'd told me.
“I would be so good. I’d do lots of chores. Promise.”
And the clincher: “I would be able to talk to you much more, Mummy.”
Somehow the idea of getting an eight-year-old a mobile seems instinctively awful to me. He still goes to bed with his soft toys, for heaven’s sake. What would he want with grown-up communications?
I sought the advice of other wise parents and the majority, like me, thought it was all wrong. The feeling seemed to be that he would be vulnerable to all manner of nasties, from having his phone stolen to much worse.
But his campaign was unstoppable so I decided to have another look. Was it really such a bad thing if his heart was set on it? What was the worst that could happen?
There are concerns that having a sought after piece of modern technology in a kid’s pocket can make him a target for bullies and thieves. That one was easily solved, by providing a simple old-tech pay-as-you-go phone that cost less than the price of a new release hand-held console game.
What about a worry about bogey men? Well I’m really not sure a phone puts him at any particular risk. In fact, there is a school of thought that suggests a phone link could be a lifesaver.
Already his phone has proved very handy. A family outing to a festive carnival went without hitch with the help of “where are you now?” and “over by the waltzers” type texts.
His phone comes with rules -- it doesn’t go to school, or football, or cubs, it doesn’t go upstairs at night and I can check it any time. Texts must be spelled properly.
While the spelling is definitely a work in progress, there have been unexpected benefits from becoming a multi mobile family.
The eight-year-old is a middle child, squished between his autistic spectrum big brother and the cute, but demanding, toddler. I try very hard but I know there are times he just feels like the also-ran.
Now, though, he and I exchange private text jokes and send each other photos. It's something we have that doesn't have to be shared with everyone else and we're both enjoying it.
I've also found the mobile has allowed my boy a much easier communication with his dad and the rest of that side of the family. None of the conversations need to be funnelled through me or be part of the pass-the-phone-round formal chats. It's easier and more natural for everyone.
So instead of the mobile being a case of dial T for trouble, it's ringing a change that everyone benefits form.
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mum
17 January, 2011
I think that's a set of really good rules to have. I like the fact it's something you can share together and send each other little funny messages and stuff. That's lovely. Also the rules about not taking it to cubs and stuff are good.
I haven't given in yet because I have seen what's happened at my son's school and I don't like it. Even though phones are officially not allowed and have to be handed in to the office on arrival, lots of the children still seem to have them and play with them at break time to the exclusion of actually playing. They sit around playing with Apps and stuff. They say they have to let the children have them because some of them walk home and need to call which is fair enough, but I've seen them cross the road whilst looking down at their phones and texting. They seem to be totally preoccupied with them. So for now I'm still saying no - when he needs to walk home by himself, I will reconsider. The peer pressure is enormous.
mum
17 January, 2011
I've just asked my eight-year-old about mobile phones and she said none of her friends have one but 'loads of kids have them'. There's no pressure from her yet - partly because we haven't got much in the way of reception at home. I like your reasons and rules - I think a cheap PAYG phone is a good idea. For us it's a case of not yet, but I won't rule it out.
expert
17 January, 2011
I have also caved in and allowed my child to have a phone this Christmas. We have less rules, but then that's probably because my daughter is 11 now. She's pretty much the last one in her class to have a phone, most of them are on to their 2nd or 3rd model.
One thing I am curious about is - who pays? I have started my daughter off with £10 of credit, but after that I am expecting her to pay for her own top ups out of her pocket money. I think it's a good exercise in budgeting, and seems to be working so far - she still has £6 of credit left. If anything the phone is getting used for creative purposes more than anything else, for creating ringtones and taking pictures.
mum
17 January, 2011
Alison, road safety with a phone is a really good point. It hasn't been an issue for us, but I'll look out for it.
Joanne, we're just making up the rules about who pays as we go. So far I've started him off with £10. I think it might have to come from pocket money too. He's got a package that gives him free weekend and evening calls, so he shouldn't need to use much.
Maggie, there was a lot of 'everyone's got one' pressure here too.
admin
17 January, 2011
Gosh it's so hard to get the balance right isn't it. Ellen you should be congratulated in taking this massive, scary step as a parent, I dread the day when my daugter comes home and announces that she wants one.
I too like your set of clear, well thought our rules, and I think in your situation it makes sense for your son to have phone, especially as it enables him to control the contact he has with his dad.
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team
17 January, 2011
I gave in just before Christmas as I genuinely can't see the harm in it, although we do have very similar rules to you in place to make sure it's not a problem.
I've had a sorry text from her when I've sent her to bed for being naughty and also a text when she was in bed one night to ask her dad to get her a drink of water! Mostly it's just I love you texts when she's not with me.
mum
18 January, 2011
C, Thanks. I think that, like you, if you work through it sensibly it doesn't do any harm. I haven't had sorry texts yet, but I could see that happening.
18 January, 2011
I think it's wise. It is hard to accept that children as young as that may need them but as long as it's used as a tool of communication then it's no more harm than email and as long as it is policed properly then it could well be useful. If he is using it to communicate with the important adults in his life then that can only be a good thing and he may even reveal more about himself than he normally does through "anonymous" texts.
admin
09 February, 2012
I probably wouldn't suggest to my kids that they have one but when they reach an age when they start asking for one, (I'm sure this will happen!) I think it would be OK to get them one, but with accompanying rules and a certain amount of credit - paid for with pocket money.
I like your idea, Ellen, about buying the cheapest one out there, to make it less desirable to thieves. I think it would also be a good idea to tell them to be as discreet as possible when using their phone, so as to reduce the risk of theft.
I think there would be many benefits to my kids having phones - I'll probably keep quiet until the day they ask for one, though!
Sue
Ready For Ten Team