I used to be a stickler for bedtime, but lately routine has gone out of the window. Does it matter?
Bedtimes used to be a set-your-clock by event in my house. Children in bed by 7.30pm no matter what, sometimes earlier if things weren’t going well.
Yet, lately that has all changed. Try as I might – and admittedly it hasn’t been that hard – there are still children floating about after 9pm on many nights of the week. This plays serious havoc with any shreds of quality time my husband and I hope to have.
Evenings getting out of control
How did this dismal state of affairs come about? It must be a combination of things. My eldest son – now 12 and in high school – finds his more grown up evening activities stretching later and later. Last night we didn’t get back from the school show until after 9pm.
He and his brother – who is nine – have always had similar bedtimes, out of convenience and the fact it seemed to suit. So, he’s up too. But then his cubs now doesn’t finish until 8.30 and football the same.
Combine that with a toddler who refused to do routine and often wants to stay up to see his daddy, which I haven’t the heart to turn down, and you’ll see the situation.
Are the battles worth fighting?
The question is do I get strict and stroppy and start clockwatching, or just get used to going with the flow?
If it seemed to make a huge difference to the boys, then I’d be more inclined to tighten the rules, but I don’t think it is. Experts have worked out a recommended amount of sleep for the 'average' child, but I’ve yet to meet average children.
According to this Milpond Children’s Sleep Clinic report a 12 year old needs 9.25 hours sleep, a nine year old 10 hours and the toddler, 11.5. So, that would mean – assuming we’re all up at 6.30am – the toddler goes to bed at 7pm, middle boy at 8.30pm and the oldest at 9.15pm. Hmm. I can’t see that working in any way for us.
On the other hand, letting them get exhausted isn’t going to do them any good either, especially on school days.
Dozy at school's not classy
Secret Housewife said: “As someone who works in a primary school it really gets to me when I see little ones with dark circles under their eyes because they are so tired. It’s not fair on them and definitely affects their ability to work. well and enjoy school.”
And scientists agree: children who don't have regular bedtimes do less well in school.
I don’t think my kids are being adversely affected as they seem to be able to get up in the morning and are still full of bounce by the end of the day. But maybe we need to make a bit more effort on days when there’s no evening activity and push things along so they go to bed early. And staying up later at the weekend is a rarity in our house because I don’t think anyone catches up on sleep very quickly.
So, perhaps it’s time to revisit some advice about bedtime routines and to stop worrying about it.
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18 December, 2011
I don't worry about bedtimes but I do keep an eye on them. It's easy for us to let it slide for all sorts of reasons, good ones at that and some not so good. However, in the end I can see with the kids if they need an intervention. Also, it really helps set the tone of the day with a good beginning and a clear end in our household.
We do have definate bedtimes but it's within a zone. In the bedroom by.... and lights off by....
It's hard to get it right for our own families as circumstances and things change all the time. I try to roll with it and evaluate it occasionally- unless it's glaring in my face.
19 December, 2011
I think the "in the bedroom by" is the way forward. They get into relaxing and adult time can start to some degree. Lights out can be more flexible. The toddler is another issue but if he doesn't have his older brothers around to play with or annoy, then his quiet time starts earlier and he can be shown the cot a lot earlier.
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21 December, 2011
Another very interesting post - thanks Ellen! I'm afraid I'm a no-nonsense kind of a parent when it comes to bedtime, and I always have been. This is for a number of reasons. The main one is that my children need to have a decent amount of sleep, and secondly, because the evening is "my" time, they get my full attention all day.
Since birth till age 3 (ish) my three have gone to bed around 6.30pm, because by that stage they are exhausted (our days are fairly full-on), from age 3 (ish) onwards bedtime moves to 7pm. My daughter is 6.5 years now and she still goes to bed at 7pm. I know she doesn't go straight to sleep and that is fine, but she does know that she has to stay upstairs and can quietly read or play for a little while before she has to go to sleep. This makes her feel a little more grown up than the boys, but also keeps within the boundaries that we've set. I realise that things will need to change soon as my daughter's swimming lessons are going to be changing at some point to evenings, and they will only finish at 8pm, so this is something we will have to manage accordingly, although right now I'm not quite sure how :-)
Leigh
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