How to help when your child loses things

My daughter seems to be spectacularly good at losing things. After just one week back at school she had somehow managed to lose her school bag and all its contents. In week two she lost her PE kit and then just a few days ago she announced she couldn’t find her school library book. It’s becoming an expensive habit, so I’m keen to nip it in the bud before she costs me a small fortune.

The problem seems to be a lack of organisation on her part and the misplaced belief that I will organise everything for her. My mistake has been to organise everything for her, so it’s not surprising then that she doesn’t remember which day she took her PE kit to school, or whether she’s remembered to bring it home.

Occasionally she will remember what she needs for her school day, but usually just as we are about to walk out the door in the morning, which causes a great deal of panic on her part and annoyance on mine. It seems she is not alone.

A common childhood trait

Ellen has exactly the same problem with her boys. Already this term they have lost two pairs of trainers and a pair of school shoes. Ellen has learnt never to buy them anything expensive, so when they end up losing it they won’t be so upset. She also writes their names on their belongings with marker pen, often in several places.

Ian’s son seems slightly less forgetful. He is good at remembering where his belongings are, although usually after Ian has pointed out they are not in his possession. Ian says he tried to make his son accountable by not helping him search for things, and he has taught him that actions have consequences. So if Max forgets to bring home his lunchbox he’ll have a school dinner the next day.

Does it get better as kids get older?

According to Becky it gets worse as kids get older. Her oldest is 16 and regularly loses his, money, wallet, and school ID card – all those really essential items that make like difficult when you don’t have them.

Becky’s youngest has a clip-on tie as part of his uniform and has lost two already since September. He’s been warned that if it doesn’t stop losing it Becky will put some elastic on it, and that seems to have done the trick.

All part of growing up

Joanne Mallon, Ready for Ten’s behaviour expert, says that losing things is all part of growing up and that taking care of their things is something children need to learn. By the time children get to secondary school there is a lot to remember, and this can be hard for children who've always relied on mum to remember their lunch, PE kit, homework and so on.

How parents can help

Joanne points out that children will be more likely to lose things if there is no incentive for them to remember, and no consequences if they don't.

We can help them by:

• Encouraging good habits, like telling them to sort out their stuff for the next day before bed
• Encouraging them to write down lists of stuff they need to remember
• Making a clearly visible timetable of what they need each day
• Helping kids learn that actions have consequences
• Not replacing lost items too quickly
• Labelling their belongings and avoiding buying expensive items.

As parents we also need to take a step back as remembering everything for them isn’t going to help in the long run. As kids get older it is more helpful to the child's sense of independence to let them take more responsibility for remembering their own things.

I’m reminding myself that next time she announces she can’t find her library book; she’ll learn from this and develop some essential life skills. Eventually, this has to get better.

Does your child constantly lose things? What have you done to help?