In the UK, there is no official minimum legal age at which children can be left home alone. So how do you decide when yours are ready?
Leaving your kids home alone for the first time can take a huge leap of faith. There is no set formula for when children can be left alone - it will depend on their level of maturity, their confidence and even, to a degree, where you live. These mums on Mumsnet have widely differing views on when their children were ready - yours will probably be different again.
Leaving your child home alone
- Think about whether you feel your child is responsible enough to be left alone and discuss with them whether they feel ready. If either of you are unsure, don't do it.
- Most primary school children should not be left for long periods.
- The first time, make your outing very short - perhaps ten minutes while you pop to a local shop or a neighbour's house.
- Make sure your child has your phone number, and some other phone numbers of people locally they could contact.
- Discuss what they should do if there was a fire or another emergency.
- Tell them not to answer the door to strangers.
- Set rules for what they are and are not allowed to do while you are out and ask them what they plan to be doing.
- Tell them what time you will be back and don't be late!
As I live very rurally, where my children would have to phone someone or walk 15 minutes to summon help in an emergency coupled with the fact that I naturally assume the worst is always going to happen, I don't plan to leave my children alone anytime soon. But we'd love to hear when you first did so, or when you plan to.
Useful links
Government advice on leaving children home alone
Advice from the NSPCC
Other posts you may like
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16 Comments
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mum
04 February, 2011
Coincidentally, the very first time was today! My son, just turned 11, came back from a residential outward bound school trip last night and was exhausted. School gave them today off. I had to take my little one to nursery and didn't want to drag him out with me. So under instruction not to answer the door, not to make toast and to just stay put until I returned in about half an hour, I left him in the house. We live on a busy street where he knows the neighbours and knows how to work the phone.
I think he's old enough and sensible enough now to leave him for short periods of time but not too long. I wouldn't be happy with him being there for several hours without an adult.
admin
04 February, 2011
Tricky subject isn't it! We have a neighbour whose daughter is just 11, she regularly comes home from school to an empty house, and if she has left her key at home she knocks on our door. We give her a drink, she plays with my three children (who love her), often we end up giving her dinner at 5pm, and at some point between 5pm and 7pm she goes home. We do not know her parents well at all, we don't socialise with them, and not once have they ever addressed this with us. She's an absolute pleasure to have, but quite frankly we are at a loss as to whether we should discuss this subject with them or not.
Personally, there is no way I would let my 11 year old daughter:
a) walk the distance she does back from school alone (1.5 miles) in a large town like the one we live in
b) expect her to have a key and let herself in after school
c) "Impose" on neighbours I know absolutely nothing about, without at least speaking to them about it first and establishing it was a safe environment to be in.
d) Not know where my daughter is for sometimes 3 hours at a time.
I agree each child is individual in terms of maturity etc, but for me these are absolute "musts" on my list.
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team
mum
04 February, 2011
Ah, I remember this dilemma well - rushing out the door yelling orders and worrying the whole time I was away! And Leigh is right, they always seem to know someone who has far more freedom than they do. As you say, every child is different. I personally worry more about leaving *both* mine at home rather than just one of them, as I'll worry they'll mess around and get hurt. It's a tough one.
mum
04 February, 2011
It's really hard. My boys, eight and 11, are sometimes at home alone for 10 minutes after school. I hope to get back from work at the same time as the school bus but traffic doesn't always let this happen so they now have a key.
We live in a friendly neighbourhood and they know everyone in the area.
05 February, 2011
I have left my 10yo alone once but it was only for 10 mins, he was ill in bed and i had to fetch the others from school, he had strict instructions to stay put and not touch anything, lol, i practically ran to school and back.
I think it is down to the individual child and how sensible they are, i couldnt leave my 10yo for longer than 10 mins, maybe i'm not giving him enough credit? I don't know
06 February, 2011
This is an interesting post. When I was 10 (I am 36 now) I walked the 10 mins to school on my own, meeting friends along the way. Sometimes I was on my own. When I was 11 I often let myself in from school until my mum got home from work. Later that year I was at secondary school and get the bus into the city on my own and managing my home times/after school clubs as well.
I think children are held back from assessing their own risk quite a lot now. I do it myself with my own children. We are fearful of not preventing accidents and hazards. But by the time they are secondary school age, 11+, they really need to be confident in some form of independence.
I remember walking to the sweet shop, crossing a main road, by myself when I was nine. I would struggle to allow my child to do the same route today. This is mainly because I fear she would be knocked down by a car, rather than stranger danger as I've rationalised that the risk of abduction by strangers is rare.
It's very difficult to let go.
expert
07 February, 2011
It is very hard isn't it? I'm not sure when I feel ready to leave mine home alone but I know I will be terrified the first time I do!
29 March, 2011
Hi Catherine! This is a great topic to discuss. My son just turned 13 and I started leaving him at home alone since he was 12 years old. He is very responsible and independent. My husband and I are at work everytime he comes home from school that's why we decided to register him to SafeKidZone for his protection. We provided him a panic button alert on his cell phone that if an emergency occurs he will just press the panic button and his trusted friends and family members will be notified. If it's a life-threatening situation, the incident will be escalated to the nearest 911. This has really helped mitigate my worries. If you want to check out, this is their site http://Safekidzone.com/
expert
30 March, 2011
Hi Trisha - that sounds like a brilliant idea and very reassuring - I knew schemes like that existed for old and frail people but had no idea there was one for kids. Will definitely have a look at the website - thanks so much for pointing it out.
expert
30 March, 2011
It's probably worth me pointing out to Ready for Ten's Uk readers that the service Trisha mentions is in the US. Let's hope they set up on in the UK soon!
31 March, 2011
We live 4 minutes walk from the school. However, it is a walk on a road with no pavement and althrough it's not a busy road, the cars that do come along it don't seem to realise that it is a 30 mph zone, rather than Silverstone race track. So I always walk my children to school. However, when one of them is ill, I can't cut myself in half. So I have a choice - do I make the sick child wrap up in a coat and walk up the hill, or leave them safely snuggled under a blanket on the sofa watching telly? I opt for the latter. And have done that every time either one of them has been sick. They are 5 and 7. I don't hang about at the school so am seldom gone longer than 8 minutes max. I have debated whether to lock the front door or not. If I unlock it, the child could in theory run out after me or open the door to a stranger. If it's locked and there is a fire, there is no way they can escape. I've done both. So far nothing bad has ever happened.
I wouldn't leave them at home on their own when they were well and if they were seriously unwell and vomiting, I wouldn't leave them either. I'd make the other one skip school or ask a friend / the school to collect him.
admin
06 February, 2012
This is a really interesting post, Catherine. My kids aren't old enough to be left alone yet and reading through everyone's comments, I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably leave it until they are 11 ish! - but only for short periods and only if really necessary.
I can't believe your neighbour, Leigh. I feel a bit sorry for their girl being expected to sit at home all on her own - poor thing :( I hope they at least talk to her on the phone to make sure she gets back from school OK. Very nice of you (and your little ones) to step in though!
Sue
Ready For Ten Team
16 April, 2012
My 10yr old has a childminder after school who has just told me that when my daughter turns 11 in October, she cant look after her anymore. My daughter will be in junior school for another year so what do I do??? I am a single parent so cant give up my job but being new to the area have no friends or family who could look after her on a regular basis!!! Do I just turn her into a latchkey kid as soon as she turns 11???
16 April, 2012
My 10yr old has a childminder after school who has just told me that when my daughter turns 11 in October, she cant look after her anymore. My daughter will be in junior school for another year so what do I do??? I am a single parent so cant give up my job but being new to the area have no friends or family who could look after her on a regular basis!!! Do I just turn her into a latchkey kid as soon as she turns 11???
admin
18 May, 2012
Hi Sioned, what an awful dilemma for you, I didn't realise that childminders couldn't have children over the age of 10! You could try calling the Family Information Service and ask for their advice http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/parents/childcare/dg_180946, or perhaps consider an after school club or activity that your daughter can do after school? Let us know how you get on.
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team
04 September, 2012
My son has Aspergers and has just started High School. He is 11.
He had a fab out of school club but sadly due to scottish Regulations, they cant take him if he attends high school. Their insurance ends at the last day of primary school.
The high school has no after school homework clubs sadly.
I have to work fulltime. my only option is to allow him to walk home and allow himself in to house using his own key. he loves it.!!, He comes in and has a snack, watches the TVand i am in literally 15 minutes after he gets home.. Its a little bit of independence, he relly is. responsible lad and we have fabulous neighbours, always there.. It is. big lep of fith but equally, its his first step into an adult world...