Why Halloween makes my blood boil

Everywhere I look, there are wailing ghouls and shrieking witches tempting me to buy them and hang them in my windows to terrify the tots of the neighbourhood for the next few weeks. But I don’t buy them because I don’t like Halloween.

No sooner are the kids ‘Back to School’ than the usual autumnal things start happening – the sun starts to shine and the shops start loading their shelves with enough Halloween paraphernalia to reconstruct entire episodes of Scooby Doo. It sends a shiver down my spine - I even feel tense typing the words! Everywhere I look, there are wailing ghouls and shrieking witches tempting me to buy them and hang them in my windows to terrify the tots of the neighbourhood for the next few weeks. But I don’t buy them because – and forgive me for sounding completely bah humbug about the whole thing – I don’t like Halloween.

At all.

So, why does it cause me such distress?

Too commercial

Since becoming a parent six years ago, I’ve paid more attention to the modern traditions of celebrating Halloween with your kids and, as far as I can see, it is becoming more and more of a commercial horror story every year. Quite simply, I think we have forgotten what Halloween is about and have forgotten how to mark the occasion properly. Specifically, what  really bothers me about Halloween is, well, all of this:

• Halloween now seems to come with a requirement to decorate your house inside and out with as many flashing lights, garlands and animatronics as at Christmas. I only have enough patience and suction cups to successfully hang fairy lights once a year – please don’t make me do it in October and December.
• The trend for shop bought dress-up costumes is probably the worst thing to happen to Halloween. Personally, I do not find Disney Princesses in the least bit frightening. The same goes for Buzz Lightyear, Transformers and Dora the Explorer. Erm, it’s Halloween – the idea is to scare and terrify is it not (or maybe I’ve got that wrong somewhere along the way). 
• Trick or treat is, quite literally, a nightmare – and the ‘trick’ part simply doesn’t seem to feature anymore. As far as I can see, the tradition of ‘Trick or Treat’  means that a mass of children form a rugby scrum on your doorstep, holding out the biggest plastic carrier bag they can find, waiting mutely for you to half-fill it with sweets. They then tut and grumble when you deposit one small fun size bag of Maltesers in it – and god forbid you should consider putting nuts or a Satsuma into the bag. There is no thank you, no Halloween song and most of the kids can’t even manage to say ‘Trick or Treat’ in the first place. It’s a truly dreadful event to witness and I, for one, would rather it were outlawed completely. Some parents avoid it completely - I salute you!

Whatever happened to bedsheet ghosts?

I, for one, would love to see a return to the good old-fashioned home-made fancy dress Halloween costumes. I grew up wandering around our neighbourhood with a tattered old bedsheet over my head with a couple of holes cut out for my eyes. I was the most terrifying ghost there has probably ever been – and it didn’t cost my mum a penny to make. With a bit of imagination and some face paint, I’m sure even the most artistically challenged parent could make their child look spooky enough. Where's the fun in all the kids dressing up in the exact same outfit they’re selling in the local shopping centre.

Traditional games

Children also seem to have no concept of, or interest in, traditional Halloween games. Pumpkin carving, apple bobbing or trying to take a bite from an apple suspended on a string being the most memorable traditions from my childhood – which were all great fun. We also had blindfold ‘feel the body part’ games where people put their fingers into entrails (jelly), eyeballs (grapes) and plates of spaghetti (worms). Try it – it’s far more terrifying than a toy witch whose eyes light up for ten seconds before you have to replace the battery. Turning all the lights out and telling spooky stories by candlelight also seems to be another Halloween tradition  which has been swept away by the fake witches broomsticks on sale for a couple of quid in the discount shops.

So, I for one, say bah humbug to the modern horror show which Halloween has become. I will be sticking to my principles this year and involving my children in a traditional – some may say terribly old-fashioned - night of costume making, pumpkin carving and apple bobbing before we knock politely on one or two of the neighbours houses and sing a well-rehearsed Halloween song.

What do you think? Am I a total Halloween Scrooge (or the gnarly old witch of Halloween present), or do you get as annoyed and frustrated by Halloween as I do?

Answers on a carved pumpkin please.

For more ideas on celebrating Halloween check out this Ready For Ten Halloween Essentials guide .