In a culture of celebrity, who can we turn to as a role model for our daughters?
As a single mum to two daughters, being a worthy role model is hugely important to me. It’s a tough balance though – I want to be a ‘good parent’, to have time to cook proper meals and help with homework, but at the same time I need to provide a roof over our heads and enjoy working. I want them to see me as a woman as well as a mother, with interests outside the family. I want them to appreciate the importance of putting yourself first sometimes, but at the same time as caring about others. I want the moon on a stick basically…
So whilst partly hoping they grow up just like me (without the tendency obviously to procrastinate and drink too much), and resisting the urge to turn them into the woman I will never be (internationally respected author, ballet dancer etc etc), what positive female role models can I point them towards that will help them develop worthwhile aspirations and goals?
In a heavily celebrity dominated culture, many young girls look up to women like Cheryl Cole. I have mixed feelings about Cheryl. On the one hand I feel we should clutch at any woman who manages to rise to the top of their game, but when this is done primarily based on appearances, on being pretty and thin and having nice hair, it feels a little shallow. Also, I don’t especially want my children to aspire to be charged with assault at any point in their lives.
Yes you can defend her, tell me she can sing and dance a bit, but would she have got where she is purely on her ability to hold a tune? I think not. And besides, is it her determination and independence that young girls really see, or is it just the glamour, the pretty dresses and the unrealistically voluminous hair? When you read that polls suggest 63% of young women aspire to be glamour models or lap dancers you can’t help but worry about the quality of role models we are offering them.
On Ready for Ten recently we wrote about the fact that boys were looking up to TV stars such as Harry Hill, rather than pop stars. Harry Hill has one very important quality that Cheryl lacks entirely in my opinion – humour. The boys clearly know what’s going to score them points with the ladies later in life…
To celebrate the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day, The Guardian is currently putting together a list of 100 inspirational women, based on public nominations. These are women who have achieved success in their field, who have influenced governments and policy, have made strides in science and technology, and who have fought to support women across the globe. A spray tan and a picture in the tabloids, or a Nobel Prize for Physics? I know which I’d rather have my daughters aspire to.
Who do your daughters look up to? Let us know...
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editor
21 January, 2011
I think how girls see other girls or grown up women can be shaped by their mums too, when my daughter was asked about what she wanted to be when she was older, she said she wanted to be a scientist and to help find a cure for deadly diseases, she also said she wanted to be a mum. Personally I want them to look up to people who are happy, kind, ambitious and clever. That'll do for me!
mum
21 January, 2011
Good post Jo. Humour is important and the dearth of funny women is a whole other subject...
I'm not sure who the good role models are for girls. I'm sitting here struggling to think of any who aren't Cheryl, Dannii and Myleene.
JK Rowling, erm... I can't imagine Tanni Gray Thomson or Carol Ann Duffy making the list.
mum
21 January, 2011
My eight year old daughter's new years resolution is to act like Pippi Longstocking. Independent, challenging expectations, cheerful and the strongest girl in the world - not a bad list!
editor
21 January, 2011
I think aspiring to do well in the entertainment industry is a good thing too, especially *without* an all controlling marketing team or manager...like the Spice Girls or other bands before them, I wouldn't include the Saturdays in that.
mum
23 January, 2011
Pippi Longstocking is a great one!
Personally, I want to be Nancy Drew when I grow up - she's feisty, confident, always up for an adventure, but never goes anywhere without a matching hat and gloves!
24 January, 2011
I want my daughter to look up to women that have got where they are purely based upon their own talents and brains. Not just because they are a pretty size zero!
My great aunt Madeline Linford was an inspiration to myself and my mum and aunt. One of the many women left as spinsters by WW1 she became a journalist and travelled to dangerous places in the 1920s. She went on to become the first editor of the Guardian's women's page and a novelist. A very clever and brave woman.
mum
24 January, 2011
Wow, what a fantastic role model to have in your own family! I think it's true that family members are really important. I always looked up to my Gran - she was a very strong character, working full-time in the 1950s as a maths teacher with two small children, but still cycling home at lunchtimes to cook everyone a full lunch! Now that is multi-tasking....
admin
24 January, 2011
It's really hard to find a worthy female public figure! There are many people that I know that are close to my family, or people I have met or seen over the years, but none of them in the public eye, who I would choose for the qualities they display - strength, drive, perseverence, humilty, the abilty to give of themselves unconditionally (to name but a few).
If I had to choose one it would probably be Karren Brady - she is strong but ladylike, intellegent and drove herself to success at a very early age, in a very male dominated world. She has overcome massive hurdles both personally and professionally, and still finds time to be a mum on top of all that she does... So yes she'd get my vote!
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team
02 February, 2011
I thought about your post last night when my daughter came home from school and told me they'd been talking in class about who they'd like to be, if they could choose anyone. I was a little horrified to hear many of the girls had chosen Cheryl Cole - lots of them didn't even know what she's supposed to do for a living, just that she was pretty. I suppose I could forgive them - they are young and distracted by shiny things. Just wish there were other people, doing slightly more important things, that were given the exposure she is, who might catch their twinkly eyes.
mum
02 February, 2011
That's my exact problem with the idea of Cheryl Cole as a role model. Yes, you can say she is independent, driven etc, but that really isn't what young girls see - like you say, they just see that she is pretty. 'When I grow up mummy I want to be pretty' just isn't the kind of aspiration I want for my daughters...
02 February, 2011
I have subtly introduced my two stepdaughters to Wonder Woman and they are very taken with her! The stories from the second TV series (originally broadcast circa 1978) are great battles between good and evil and both WW and her alter ego Diana Prince are strong, independent women. My stepdaughters also look up to the Doctor (as in Dr Who). I worry about the influence our appearance-obsessed culture has on them and wish there were more contemporary female role models for them.