Where does my daughter's independence come from - nature or nurture?

I was out for lunch last week with my sister and Belle, my eight-year old daughter. My sister and I were chatting, our puddings long since demolished, both relishing being in the company of Real Grown Ups, when we looked up to find that Belle had very politely summoned a waiter and asked for the bill.

“Can I have money for the tip please Mummy?” she asked.

I don’t know if this is normal behaviour for an eight-year-old, but it certainly isn’t the kind of independence I could have ever imagined when she was a toddler.

It would be fair to say that Belle was a ‘high maintenance’ child. It came as rather a shock to me, as my first daughter, Bee, now a teenager, had been a dream, sleeping through the night from six weeks old and more than happy to be passed around, taken on long car journeys, and fed all manner of wholesome foods. At the time of course, in the throes of new parent smugness, I put it down to my laid back parenting style, foolishly believing I would have the same effect on any baby that came into my possession. Oh how we laugh now…

What I find so amazing to see is how such fierce independence can grow from the unlikeliest of beginnings. Who would have thought that Belle, who at two years old was still sleeping in my bed, waking half a dozen times a night and crying mournfully every time I left a room, would have turned into such a confident, self-assured young girl?

I often wonder whether there is more of an interesting link between babyhood dependency and grown up personalities than I realised. At first glance you might think a clingy baby would grow into a timid child, but perhaps it has more to do with how you respond to that baby.

Belle was certainly needy, but I met those needs. As a baby, she didn’t like to be put down, so I carried her about with me. She loved breastfeeding, so I carried on feeding her until she was two and a half. She made a fuss, but by making that fuss she got her needs met, and perhaps that is what has given her that feeling of safety and security, from which she now feels able to explore the world.

How about you? Has your clingy baby turned into a super-confident child? Or maybe you had a happy baby that became less confident later in life? I’d love to know…

Photo - Belle regrets asserting her independence by insisting on not wearing a coat...