How much freedom should we give our children when it comes to food?
“Eurgh! Sainsbury’s? Do we have to go?” Belle throws her head back with a look of disgust, as though I’ve suggested she spend the afternoon arranging a box of pins in order of length.
“It won’t take long,” I reassure her, “I just need to get some milk and bread and something for dinner.”
“And Pop Tarts,” Belle adds, “we need Pop Tarts.”
“I don’t think we do…”
“Yes we do. We don’t have any.”
Well, I can’t fault her logic there. It’s true, we don’t have any Pop Tarts. Still, that doesn’t feel like enough of a justification, even for my easy to fool, sleep-deprived brain.
An illusion of choice
I always struggle when it comes to mealtimes and shopping to know just how much freedom to give my children.
On the one hand I want to encourage them to be independent, to feel like they have some control over their own bodies, and to be able to make sensible food choices. On the other hand, I don’t want to end up with a food cupboard full of haribo, and have chocolate spread sandwiches for every meal.
So where do you draw the line? How do you give your children control over what they eat while ensuring they maintain a balanced diet? Or maybe the answer is just don’t – they can eat what they’re given or go without, as they said in the olden days.
I tend to adopt a strategy whereby I give my children the illusion of choice, without them actually having decided anything at all. Take fruit for example. Personally, I could do without it, but I’ve heard it’s good for you, and there’s nothing that says ‘I’m a good mother’ more than a wholesome looking bowl full of apples and bananas on the table. So, I make the effort.
“Belle,” I’ll say, “it’s up to you to choose – raspberries or blueberries?” Everyone’s a winner - both the illusion of choice and a healthy intake of vitamins are maintained. Clever huh?
Of course this is fine until I have one of those days when I just can’t be bothered, when even the tiniest conflict is too much to think about, and the sensible part of my brain gives up and switches off. My children are well-trained at spotting any sign of weakness, and if this happens in a supermarket I’m done for.
All manner of things start to appear in the trolley, and I just don’t have the energy to fight back.
Unfortunately, now is one of those times, and as we collect our trolley and head into the shop I sense a spring in Belle’s step and feel a growing sense of dread. I fear our dinner tonight isn’t going to represent my finest parenting hour.
Pop Tart anyone?
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editor
12 May, 2011
Hi Jo, thanks for making me smile. Of course, having always been a picture of health and happiness, my daughters are following in my footsteps and only favour, wholemeal foods and pulses, we do love to go to yummy fresh juice bars together....
Oh okay I meant the chip shop.
12 May, 2011
Everything in moderation is what we say! So if we have a chocolate spread sandwich for tea it will have been balanced out with something "healthy" earlier in the day and of course there is nothing wrong with Pop Tarts for tea... especially if you make your own like we do see http://www.amothersramblings.com/2011/03/home-made-pop-tarts.html
And it's dead easy ;0)
12 May, 2011
Interesting one Jo. As long as they get a healthy balanced diet most of the time, I'm sure the odd Pop Tart isn't going to make a massive difference. I think the choice thing definitely works. My partner used to ask his daughter what she wanted for breakfast and it would take a stressful ten minutes to go through what we had, what she didn't want, what she did want, what we hadn't got - I'm sure you've got the picture. Now I just say what do you want for breakfast cereals or toast, quick decision made, but she thinks she has had a choice. Win win situation. Think tomorrows conversation might be "Pop Tarts or Cookies" - after all it is Friday!
editor
12 May, 2011
On a serious note, I am overweight and a yo yo dieter. I feel very lucky to have a partner who is fit (in both ways...) and has a much more sensible and ordered approach to food than me, coupled with this have been brilliant sessions on healthy eating at school for my daughters. I breathe a huge sigh of relief that my daughters are growing up with a different 'take' on food to me. None of us has ever had a Pop Tart but we are partial to plenty of other things that could raise eyebrows now and again.
mum
12 May, 2011
I give my daughter the illusion of choice too so I know she is getting a (reasonably) healthy meal. After she's had that she has a little more freedom in what she has for pudding. I think it is really important not to stress about food around children too much and make it a battlefield. I try to avoid this with my daughter because I want her to enjoy food but also appreciate the need for a healthy balanced diet.
I absolutely adore Pop Tarts. I would eat them for dinner if I could but I don't think my daughter would allow it. *wink*
mum
12 May, 2011
I think the whole area of how and what we eat - therefore what our kids do - is very complex and influenced by all manner of things. Those of use brought up by parents who grew up during the war have some subconscious values that don't necessarily apply today.
I'm trying to tackle picky eating with my kids at the moment. http://bundance.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-can-i-cure-picky-eater.html We've been having a real food campaign withe some success. My nine year old ate mince for the first time this week!
admin
12 May, 2011
Your fruit strategy is pure genius Jo - but unfortunately my 4 year old is very clued up on all things healthy. Being a "biscuitarian", he has a long list of things he doesn't eat, which he proceeds to tell me every time I set foot in the kitchen.
I hold my own most of the time, and we have many a mealtime stalemate situation, but he must be the only child in the world that would rather put himself to bed at 6pm volunteering to have "no story", than go anywhere near a vegetable. He's fine at breakfast, okay at lunch as long as it's a sandwich, but dinnertime is a nightmare in our house.
Out of fear of him starving, there is a point where I give in (after a couple of days worth of no dinner mind you) and let him have something that he will eat.
Congrats on the mince Ellen - that's another food my biscuitarian won't eat :-)
Leigh
Ready for Ten
mum
12 May, 2011
Haha Leigh, I love the idea of a 'biscuitarian' - I am definitely one of those!
You're right Ellen that food is a really complex issue. I definitely feel I was brought up with the idea of food as a comfort or a reward, and I know that's influenced my eating habits as an adult, and not in a particularly good way. I think I'd rather that way round though than be hung up too much on feeling guilty about eating, or getting too caught up in what I eat.