Should we be encouraging our children to believe in superstition or fortune telling? Is it a bit of harmless fun, or something more sinister?
“Read mine Mummy!” Belle insists, “I’m Leo!”
“I know that Darling," I sigh, "I gave birth to you remember?”
I read out her horoscope from the magazine I'm flicking through in the dentist's waiting room, something vague about new opportunities and acquaintances, the kind of thing designed to feel relevant for about a 12th of the population. I have no problem doing this -- it’s pretty meaningless after all.
The balance of power
Recently though, I picked Belle up from a fete she’d been to with my mum, and she excitedly informed that she’d had her Tarot cards read.
Now I’m pretty open minded generally - I don’t believe in fortune telling, but I don’t have a problem with other people getting comfort from it. There was something about the idea of a nine-year-old having her Tarot cards read though that made me a bit squeamish. It just felt a bit wrong.
I couldn’t explain why exactly, but I just didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of a stranger having that control over her, the ability to influence her thoughts perhaps. Belle’s quite a sensitive soul, and it felt like an inappropriate balance of power. I couldn't decide - was I being unreasonable?
Fortunately, the woman giving the reading was very positive, and told Belle that an upcoming move, and subsequent change of school would go well and that she would make new friends. With our house move fast approaching, Belle found this very comforting, but for some reason this only made me feel more twitchy about it, like Belle was somehow being drawn in, made to believe.... (cue sinister music).
A bit of harmless fun...
My friend Cath laughed when I shared my concerns. "Don't be ridiculous!" she scoffed. "Everyone knows it's rubbish, so where's the harm?" That's just the problem though - children are impressionable, do they really have the capacity to be objective?
Another friend was more supportive, sharing my anxieties. "I'd have gone nuts if that was me!" she said - a slightly more extreme reaction than mine, but proof of what an emotive issue it is. "It would totally freak me out to think of my eight year old son having his fortune told - it's just creepy."
Que sera, sera?
It comes under a wider issue I have with the idea of fate, of taking responsibility for your own actions and outcomes.
I don’t encourage superstitions generally and don’t want Belle to believe for instance that just because she walks under a ladder, that she’s doomed.
I want her to feel in control of her own destiny, to trust that she has the ability to shape her own future, that she has the intelligence and confidence to make her own dreams come true.
Where is the room for ambition, for drive, for a sense of personal achievement, if you are taught that your future is simply determined by the turn of a card?
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editor
12 July, 2011
Thanks for writing this Jo - I remember going into a caravan to have my fortune read when I couldn't have been much older than Belle, maybe a couple of years, I was with my mum at the time, but the woman told me she couldn't really say anything to me as I was too young. Looking back I can see that's a good approach but I must admit at the time I was pretty disappointed.
12 July, 2011
It's no secret now that I'm a TV Psychic, so my children are aware of this side of things, but that's now why I'm here!
At 8years old children need that reassurance that everything will work out for them. They are starting to realise that their parents don't actually have all the answers and so being told that things are going to work out for them by a stranger can be a good thing.
Oh and one thing I always tell anyone I read for is that this isn't set in stone. Just because right now this is the path you appear to be going down it doesn't mean that you will change direction tomorrow. You are in control of your life and so if you decide you want to run off and join the circus you can do!
12 July, 2011
Oh and I don't do readings for children unless asked by a parent!
admin
12 July, 2011
My children don't think very much about the future - only in short bursts. They are very much about the "here and now", and the most they want to know about the future is what we are having for dinner. As they are getting a bit older we can talk a bit about our plans for our holiday next year, going onto the next class in school, and I'm happy with that. I think childhood is so incredible short I want my children to enjoy it while it lasts without worrying what life is going to bring.
Leigh
Ready for Ten Team
mum
12 July, 2011
I agree Pippa that it was nice for Belle to have that reassurance - I certainly think the woman who read her cards handled it well.
It's an interesting point Leigh about how aware kids generally are of the future. It's hard enough when they are really young to even get them to understand the concept of tomorrow, or next week isn't it?!
mum
13 July, 2011
Interesting topic. I don't think I'd have been comfortable with letting my child have their fortune told or Tarot cards read either. I'm not sure it is a harmless bit of fun - I would far rather my child learnt they had free will and were capable of making their own lives turn out well, rather than be told by someone for money.
13 July, 2011
Mmmm, interesting. I have an adult friend who went to see a "fortune teller" just before we went on a girls holiday one year, and she was told not to go on a boat trip. I don't think she's been on one since! Both adults and children can be impressionable! I would go and have been to mediums for my own personal reasons and think these things should be taken with a pinch of salt but I do also think that people in this line should ask whether it's ok for them to make comments to children.
I went shopping with my stepdaughter recently and was introduced to a medium that came out with comments to my stepdaughter about the fact that she liked drawing and that she should keep it up as the spirit world was telling him that she would do something with her drawing in the future. Whilst this was all positive stuff that he said, afterwards she asked me a lot of questions and I then had to explain to her, what he meant about the spirit world and we had a very indepth conversation that I didn't really want to have with her and I'm not really sure just how much she took in. Perhaps he should have kept this to himself or even ask permission to mention it!
19 July, 2011
My first thought when I read this was to say no true psychic or medium will ever give a reading to a child no matter in what capacity. It is simply unethical and wrong and it simply isn't done by a genuine clairvoyant. I realise however, we are talking about "fortune telling" at a fair style environment which I most definitely don't agree with anyway, either with adults or children. It isn't harmful if done properly, but children's minds aren't developed or mature enough to deal with this and dabbling in it at a young age could be quite damaging.
CJ xx